Smellmycheese's Blog

Archive for December 2010

Hello campers.

Someone said today that I should write for my blog more often, so I thought I’d sit down and start typing and just sort of see what happened. I hadn’t factored in ‘accidentally’ drinking lots of hot mulled wine beforehand however, so who knows how this post will turn out or what the hell it’ll be about…

Think of it as an adventure!  But rather than anticipating one of those fun adventures that leave you feeling invigorated and exhilarated, it would probably be better if you thought of it as one of those adventures that leave you feeling empty, cold, and a little bit dead inside.

As well as being inspired by one person flattering my huge and yet frighteningly fragile ego, I decided to blog this snowy evening because my laptop has come back from the laptop doctor, i.e. my mate Dave (everyone’s got a mate Dave, and I’m no exception) and finally appears to work, after months of sporadically turning itself off at the most inopportune of moments, i.e. at the climactic point of a really good bit of po…ttery.

And no one wants to be cut off at the crucial moment in a vase making scene. It’s just cruel.

So yeah, my laptop seems to work again now. The technical diagnosis? Dust. Yes, ‘dust’. (I can only hope this isn’t a euphemism for ‘crap loads of pottery downloads’.)

Check out the jugs on THAT.

I’ve got a history of being horrendously shit with my belongings as it happens.  A sophisticated lady like you?! (I hear you cry) I literally do NOT believe it. I know, I know. But it is sadly true.

New mobile phone? I’ll throw that in the toilet and then leave the replacement in a bar. iPod? I’ll leave that on a plane on the way to Turkey then put the next one through a warm colour spin. Laptop? I’ll use it as a handy dinner plate and then shove dust into it (apparently).

It’s not just items of a technical nature I have a particular knack with however, I’m also pretty good with clothes. Take my favourite daytime dress, for example, which I ‘lost’ for a good month. I texted my friends, family, friends’ friends and friends’ friends’ pets’ babysitters, all on the off chance I had left said garment somewhere and forgotten.

To no avail!

Unsurprising really, considering it was in my (not at all large) wardrobe the whole time. In my defence though, it had cunningly disguised itself behind a small cardigan.

Well I’m not bloody Columbo am I? Jesus.

These things I do with such startling consistency often make me wonder how I function from day to day. I find myself looking for my mobile phone when I’m ON my mobile phone, for example, with frightening frequency. Something which would be acceptable if I was on the wrong side of my 70s, as opposed to the wrong side of my 20s.
There are a million and one more examples of my apparent inability to function as a real life working human being that I could list, but the mulled wine is kicking in and, quite frankly, that pottery’s not going to watch itself.
Over and out kids, and remember, put something on the end of it.

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