Smellmycheese's Blog

Bridezilla has entered the building

Posted on: August 19, 2013

Favours? Who the hell needs favours? I don’t mean good deeds or kind acts, I mean those little bags of sugared almonds (in the 80s) or tubes of Love Hearts (now) you get on the table at weddings. What a total waste of money!

And, really, what’s the point in a wedding cake? Just to have a photo? Why bother. No one even likes the taste of fruit cake, no one ever bothers to eat it. Grab a caterpillar cake from ASDA for a couple of quid, bang a groom and bride topper on it and job’s a good ‘un.

As for flowers. Why pay for a florist? Flowers GROW IN THE GROUND for Chrissake. They’re free! Well, free when you ‘borrow’ them from a neighbour’s garden or from the local cemetery… What?! They won’t notice, they’re dead.

So, that was my attitude to weddings just a few short months ago (bar the cemetery flower-stealing. I’m not actually a terrible person). As long as I looked good, the guests all had enough booze and the DJ played Gangster’s Paradise (for me to rap to, obvs), I was happy.

I was certainly NOT going to turn into one of these girly girl women who spend all day, every day Pinning pictures of flowers, cakes, cake toppers, bridesmaid dresses, favours, bunting, table plans and f*cking seat covers to Pinterest.

Nor was I going to obsess about the minute detail of all of the above, to the point where I would only dream in the EXACT shade of dusky pink (it’s not baby pink; they are very, very different) and muted, natural green (you have to say the ‘muted’ and ‘natural’ bits otherwise it sounds crap) that would make up my colour scheme.

And I certainly wouldn’t wake up in a cold sweat over the thought that my bridesmaids might not choose the specific shade of pink for the accessories to complement the aforementioned colour scheme, and I certainly would never be such an anal wedding freak as to send group messages via What’sApp, email, Facebook and good old-fashioned email and text message to my bridesmaids with pictures relating to my colour scheme approximately five. times. a. day.

So yeah… what a clueless fool I was back then.

Best part is: there’s still eleven months and two weeks to go. Not that I’m counting (but I bet my bridesmaids are)…


This is NOT the correct shade of Crimson Red!! You have RUINED my life. 

5 Responses to "Bridezilla has entered the building"

Hey, you’re getting hitched? Many congrats! Xx

Yes I am, and thank you! Which Paul is this?

From Ventura, all them years ago! x

I thought it might be! Hey Paul! x

How’s things?

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