Posts Tagged ‘rant’
Are you sitting comfortably? Then let me begin with a question:
What would you think of me if I were to say “ba boom cha!” and make a drumming motion with my hands each time I said something funny?
What if I did it each time I said something not particularly funny at all? For example: “I went to the shops today, ba boom cha!” *drumming motion with hands*.
How about if I did it after you said something not very funny at all? You: “I’m a bit tired today”. Me: “ba boom cha!” *drumming motion with hands*.
I can guess what your answer is. You’d think I was at best a humourless twat, best-avoided, or, at worst, some kind of mentally-challenged sociopath with a flimsy grasp on social norms and conventions.
And you’d be right.
Thankfully I don’t do this, however, because I am, for the most part, fairly mentally stable.
Why then, has it become acceptable for otherwise intelligent, respectable members of society, who probably don’t have families locked up in their cellars and who are mentally aware enough to get themselves dressed successfully each morning, to use ‘LOL’ at the end of every other sentence?
Just because it’s in written form, doesn’t make it okay.
As far as I can see there are several reasons for otherwise normal human-beings resorting to LOL. I’ll take you through each one and tell you why they’re all wrong. (The following also applies to ROFL, LMAO, PMSL and so on and the only possible exception to these rules is if you are being ironic and witty.)
1. If you need to tell people that something you’ve said is funny, it’s not.
2. If you need to inform me I’ve done a funny, a) I know, and b) just write ”ha ha”. It’s only two characters longer and has the added bonus of not making you look like a twat.
3. If you do it at the end of an otherwise completely unfunny sentence that either you or I have written, such as the aforementioned “I’m a bit tired”, then you’re probably a bit of a mental and should seek professional help sooner rather than later.
It’s difficult for me to put into words just how much this phrase truly makes my bile rise. The very sound of it is lazy and annoying and reminds me of chavs on buses who are unfettered by the restraints of headphones and prefer to share their jaunty basseline beats with fellow passengers.
And, speaking of which, who doesn’t love tinny bassline pumping out of a mobile phone to accompany their journey on public transport?
Best when you’ve forgotten your mp3 player or it’s just died, such soothing melodies are usually accompanied by raised conversations between charming thirteen-year-olds about how they got well mashed last night innit.
Along with the comforting scent of weed and cigarettes wafting up your nostrils, it’s like a little present from God to remind you that, yes, you are a twenty-something-year-old that still can’t drive and shouldn’t you really do something about that?
Back to LOL momentarily though and reason number:
4. Perhaps you use LOL simply as a convenient way to end a sentence and it’s just become a habit? Well, that can be easily rectified. Try using a good, old-fashioned full stop. Look, I just did it then. And again. Easy peasy, you see?
And if you’re concerned that people will think you’re a bit too serious, why not try our old pal the exclamation mark? It’s easy too! See, didn’t that just illustrate what a happy, go-lucky kind of gal I am? Thought so.
If people don’t realise you’re joking when you are, just immediately label them as stupid. That’s what I do, and I’d imagine it will get me far in life…