Smellmycheese's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘sydney

Ahh, Easter, the time of year when we celebrate the momentus occasion on which baby Jesus turned into a bunny and ate some chocolate.

I’m joking of course, that would be ridiculous and far-fetched and no one in their right mind could possibly think it really happened. It makes no sense. No, what really happened is that he came back to life. Obviously.

How do I like my eggs in the morning? With a side serving of Jesus please!

This Easter I will probably not be eating any more chocolate than usual, mainly because I’m not going to buy Easter eggs for myself like a huge loser (if anyone would like to buy me an egg, I’ll have a dark chocolate or white chocolate one thanks) but also because I have no money to spare after deciding I can live the life of an international jet setter (in a way) on the salary of a regional non jet setter. Less Paris Hilton, more Leeds Travelodge.  Less Victoria Beckham, more Vicky Pollard. Less Barry Manilow, more Barry Chuckle. Less… you get the idea: I’m broke.

But it’ll all be worth it when I’m partying in Sydney on NYE. And the good news is I’ll be really thin because I can’t afford to eat until then (possibly a slight exaggeration) and I’ll be a complete lightweight because I won’t be buying alcohol until then (definitely not going to actually happen) and I’ll be extra fun-loving because I can’t afford to have any fun during the preceding months (obviously a huge lie. I’m NEVER fun).

In the meantime, I’ve come up with a foolproof plan to earn some cash, and fast (you might want to run and get a pen and paper at this point and jot the following down, because it’s a pretty special idea)…

…win the lottery!!

I know, I know . You’re welcome.

Just in case this doesn’t pan out as expected, however, (which it obviously will, although buying a lottery ticket at some stage will probably increase my chances a little bit) I’m also going to…

sell all my tat at a car boot sale!!

I expect to make at least a tenner, from stuff that collectively must have cost me easily a couple of hundred quid. Hurray for consumerism and buying crap we don’t need.

I’m sure the car boot will offer many blogging inspirations so I’ll be sure to update you all on it. Unless I can’t be arsed of course, in which case I won’t.

Bye bye for now and remember that the baby Jesus loves you. That’s why you should give your money to those lovely people at Nestlé and eat lots of high sugar junk food.

It’s what he would have wanted.

So I thought I’d try and blog about my Aussie Adventures (TM) because it’s easier than emailing individual people and obviously everyone wants to hear me talk about myself some more, but from the other side of the world.

Having had less than two hour’s sleep in 24 hours I should really be in bed but am instead, selflessly writing this.

You’re welcome.

I left rainy Manchester behind at 9.15 on Sunday morning with a sense of trepidation. Mainly concerning the fact that I’m genuinely worried I’m going to get stung by one of Australia’s two deadly jellyfish, one of which gives the ‘stingee’ symptoms including “overwhelming doom and despair”, as well as excruciating pain, and death of course, if you don’t get it treated in time (vinegar apparently does the trick). Not my words folks, the words of the Australia Rough Guide.

Fun things on the plane included: being brought excessive numbers of hot lemony towels and meals. The hot lemony towels were pretty pointless but fairly inoffensive. The six meals over the course of 24 hours were much more offensive, as I’ve now negated all the months of sweating like an untrained chimp in front of Davina and Natalie Cassidy workout dvds by eating everything that was put in front of me, just because it was ‘free’ (i.e. included in the 900 quid plane ticket cost…) Willpower, what’s that?!

Second fun thing – being sat next to a chav couple. The female half of which proceeded to talk at me excessively until I blocked her out with headphones. The upside of this being I watched loads of movies, including In The Name of the Father. About the Guildford Four and starring the amazing Daniel Day Lewis. I cried lots. If you haven’t watched it then do!

After that flight and the connecting flight from Singapore to Sydney my Uncle picked me up and I’m currently at his and my Aunt’s lovely house on a mountain about two hours away from Sydney proper, where I’ll stay until I start a trip up the East Coast on Sat.

Spotted two wombats on the way – much fatter and bigger than I thought. And can hear the sound of lots of frogs around outside. Can’t wait to see it all in the daylight tomorrow!

Must sleep now. Will update again soon…

Night night from Down Under.

Disclaimer: any typos can be put down to me being jetlagged and sleep deprived. As can this blog post being a boring pile of crap.


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