Smellmycheese's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘X Factor

Good morning readers.

I’ve been to quite a few comedy nights recently. Well, two. But in the space of a week that’s quite a lot.

I got called a lesbian at one of those comedy nights. Because I’ve got short hair.

Two quick points about that:

1. HI FROM THE 1800s. Hair length isn’t necessarily a foolproof method of discerning someone’s sexual orientation. You could try asking them if they’ll sleep with you instead. Go on, go up to the next short haired lady you see and ask her…

2. Why the hell is ‘lesbian’ still seen as an insult? Again, HI FROM THE 1800s.

To be fair, I have no idea what the attitude to gay women was back then. I wasn’t alive (surprisingly) and I can’t be arsed to research it. But I’d imagine they had a right time of it in comedy clubs. Similar to my ‘struggle’ as a not actually gay female in 2010.



How my struggle as a notactuallygay female in the 1800s might have looked (probably minus the smile).


We tend to think that we’re a liberal and forward thinking society and even that we’ve gone too far the other way. That political correctness has GONE MAD!!

I’ll let you into a secret: it hasn’t. Illustrated by the fact that it’s still totally acceptable to use lesbian/dyke/gay/poof as an insult. Especially gay. Apparently that’s okay because it now doesn’t mean ‘gay’ gay, it means lame. But why has a term for homosexuality come to mean ‘lame’? Surely we can’t pretend that its origins aren’t relevant at all and therefore it’s all more than a bit wrong?

(Yes, I know it originally meant happy and joyful, hence the title of this post, but I really don’t think that when kids call each other ‘gay’ in the playground, they’re commenting on how happy one another is.)

Anyway, I didn’t find being called a lesbian offensive in the slightest, because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to ladies instead of men. I can see the benefits if anything: less body hair, less football, more X Factor, more orgasms.

That’s the thing about sexual orientation though, you don’t really pick it, you just ‘are’. Hence it being a bit odd that we’re still all so obsessed by it and still use it to judge people by.

Just to be clear, my point isn’t that I would never use certain words as insults or that you’re a terrible person if you do. I just think it’s pretty interesting that it’s still widely acceptable to do so in 2010 and that ‘gay’ is still one of the biggest insults levelled at kids in the playground by one another.

What do you think? Acceptable or not?

1. Boris Johnson in the Queen Vic. Get out. Just get out. This also applies to pretty much any other politician and any other soap, with the exception of perhaps Tony Benn on, say, Hollyoaks – now that I’d like to see. (I just generally like seeing his lovely little face.)

Will you be my adoptive Grandad?

Will you be my adoptive Grandad?

2. Jonathan Ross climbing inside Barbra Streisand’s rectum on his show this Friday, staying there for an hour and not having ANY other guests on. Jesus man, put it away, she’s just a person. And why weren’t they sat on the sofa? Too good for a sofa is she? Unbelievable.

"Please can I lick your bottom some more Barbra?" "But of course Jonathan, go ahead!"

"Please can I lick your bottom some more Barbra?" "But of course Jonathan, go ahead!"

3. X Factor contestants literally throwing themselves on the floor and weeping upon discovering they’ve not got through to the next round. Pathetic. Such displays of emotion should be saved only for bereavement. Or for when you’re having a bad hair day and your jeans are too tight and you’ve got a new spot and you’ve forgotten your MP3 player and the bus is full of chavs playing ‘music’ on their mobile phones and you’ve got cystitis. OR SOMETHING.

And I’m sorry but your wife dying/pet having a sex change/coat missing a button/whatever sob story the producers have dug up about you, makes not one shred of difference to your chances of winning – or shouldn’t, so you can take that misplaced sense of entitlement and shove it. The world doesn’t owe you a singing career.

4. Waking up every morning to the sweet smell of rotting crap and festering shite after the fourth consecutive week of bin strikes. I’m not getting political; I’m not saying the bin men don’t have the right to strike. I’m just saying I’d prefer not to have to risk contracting hepatitis by picking my way through mounds of litter to get to work each morning and then pay £80 a month for the privilege.

Things that make me go aww…

People saying nice things, and not because they want sex or biscuits; because they mean it.

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